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oracle-of-nonsense's avatar
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Literature Text

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The italicized quote in the beginning and the title are both from a poem called "The Spark" by Brenda Hillman, which I absolutely love, and which you can read here: [link] We did an exercise in my creative writing class where you had to start a poem with a line from "The Spark" and this is mine. Much better than I thought it would be, to be perfectly honest with you.

But of course, it definitely needs critique. I've edited it since it went through workshop (I ended up having enough time to change my poem), and this is the final result. I changed the line breaks in the second stanza to "make you want it more" ;)

1.) Read it out loud to yourself, and tell me how the rhythm and line breaks work to create and maintain a mood or feeling.
2.) How does the imagery work? And the diction?
3.) As always, how does this poem make you feel? What emotions or images does it stir up in your brain?
4.) General critique :)
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TGfascinated's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Reading it aloud to myself was a treat. Your rhythm and voice are wonderful, I wouldn't change a thing. Diction is good, I'd enjoy reading this at an open mic night.

I feel this on two levels - physical and spiritual/metaphysical: Your physical sensation descriptions are phenomenal, but what I think of here is almost a... divine conception?

Immaculate? Not necessarily. But I feel as though the heavens have made love to this person, taking her in ethereal sacrifice - for the ultimate, inconceivable pleasure she is destroyed or changed forever in some infusion of divine essence that she would never have any chance to say "yes" to...

Or... this is a description of a really good female orgasm. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)"/>

Either way, you eclipse me as a writer in so many ways I am envious.