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Literature
Love
Love is a strong word
It expresses something that's vastly unknown
Will I be loved or will I ever start?
It'll take some time, but you'll feel it in your heart
No one is loveless; no matter how strong are your thoughts
If you have patience, the right one will be brought
Don't bring yourself down, or your word you'll become
You're beautiful; I know the right person will come
So be as positive as you can
Because one day, you'll have your chance
Literature
life, love, and all that jazz
my body is an accident;
you've got blood on your hands
(i think it's my own)
and i'm learning
the world will only love you
when you want to die -
there are no easy ways to say
so this is goodbye;
this is the last piece
i ever write about you,
or anyone.
here's to
the things we leave behind,
in the distance, fading
(summer ends tomorrow)
dear october,
here's nine reasons why you should
never look over your shoulder;
for once in my life, i know
the truth about forever -
it's in the little things.
Literature
Love Letters
Love Letters
To the girl too excited to sit on the train, instead standing till her legs are tired and the straps of her bag cut into her shoulders
Things won't be different. Change isn't a click-finger-and-it's-done affair change is years and years of pain and joy that'll burn and sear you. Dreams don't float around in the air for you to catch in your tiny fingers and press to your quick-beating heart.
But keep thinking they do, and that change is as easy as that! and the hope will keep glowing, and who knows?
Maybe someday, dreams will drift like little bubbles in a swirling kaleidoscope of colour.
Don't
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The italicized quote in the beginning and the title are both from a poem called "The Spark" by Brenda Hillman, which I absolutely love, and which you can read here: [link] We did an exercise in my creative writing class where you had to start a poem with a line from "The Spark" and this is mine. Much better than I thought it would be, to be perfectly honest with you.
But of course, it definitely needs critique. I've edited it since it went through workshop (I ended up having enough time to change my poem), and this is the final result. I changed the line breaks in the second stanza to "make you want it more"
1.) Read it out loud to yourself, and tell me how the rhythm and line breaks work to create and maintain a mood or feeling.
2.) How does the imagery work? And the diction?
3.) As always, how does this poem make you feel? What emotions or images does it stir up in your brain?
4.) General critique
But of course, it definitely needs critique. I've edited it since it went through workshop (I ended up having enough time to change my poem), and this is the final result. I changed the line breaks in the second stanza to "make you want it more"
1.) Read it out loud to yourself, and tell me how the rhythm and line breaks work to create and maintain a mood or feeling.
2.) How does the imagery work? And the diction?
3.) As always, how does this poem make you feel? What emotions or images does it stir up in your brain?
4.) General critique
Mature
© 2011 - 2024 oracle-of-nonsense
Comments42
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Reading it aloud to myself was a treat. Your rhythm and voice are wonderful, I wouldn't change a thing. Diction is good, I'd enjoy reading this at an open mic night.
I feel this on two levels - physical and spiritual/metaphysical: Your physical sensation descriptions are phenomenal, but what I think of here is almost a... divine conception?
Immaculate? Not necessarily. But I feel as though the heavens have made love to this person, taking her in ethereal sacrifice - for the ultimate, inconceivable pleasure she is destroyed or changed forever in some infusion of divine essence that she would never have any chance to say "yes" to...
Or... this is a description of a really good female orgasm. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>
Either way, you eclipse me as a writer in so many ways I am envious.